Son's Girlfriend has disappeared.

[jackie]

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all well.

Looking for a bit of advice.  Craig's girlfriend has stopped visiting, no phone calls etc.  We knew there was a high probability that this would happen but she hasn't even sent him a letter or phoned us.  Craig has mentioned her a few times and has stated he has more to worry about than a girlfriend.  But I worry how deep inside he is coping. They were together over a year.  I just wish she could have spoken to him, or sent a letter at least this would have put some closure on the relationship.

My sister-in-law saw her last week and she didn't even mention Craig.  I found this hard when she told me.  I know she is young and yes has a life but Craig was so good to her and was there when things were difficult for her. 

Should I speak to Craig about her or let him talk if and when he is ready?  My heart goes out to him and I guess I worry about his long term future with regards to relationships. It will need to be someone really special that will want to commit to him.  I know people keep saying he will meet someone one day, but will he.  I watched the film Im Dancing Inside and guess seeing how the youngmen in this were treated made me worry that this is how Craig will be perceived.  He is a lovely youngman, full of life with so much to offer, but lets face it the first thing young girls will see is his wheelchair.  Its so hard and I worry how he will cope.  He has always been such a flirt and as I always said if he was chocolate he would eat himself.

[cate]

Hi Jackie.
Not a lot one can say.  I think you must let things take it own course, and Craig may be putting a brave face on things.  It will be hbis way of coping, as they are both so young, theymay find it diffcult, to know how to put closure on it gently,  but think you should jus t stand back.
all the best, and try not to worry about the situation. ( I know easier said than done)
Cate

[gzarnke]

Jackie,

I agree with Cate just let it be, they are both so young and we don't even know how to deal with our son and his new life. Craig is still in high school, i think? 

My son was just 21 and had not been dating a girl but they had known each other for years and were just starting to date when my son had his accident. She was going to attend summer school at collage and dropped out of her classes when his accident happened so she could be at the hospital.  He had asked for her for from the start and when she showed up the next day he was so happy and relived.

she came almost every day for 3 weeks and then she stopped and sent him an e-mail that she was dating his best friend and could not see him any longer as she was getting panic attacts.  My son was put into a tail spin as this all happened the day before he came home from the hospital.  We have not seen her since and his so called best friend stopped by about once a month, and that is to pay his rent to us as he rents a place from us?

I have tried to talk to my son and tell him there will be others but the injury that having two people that were important to you walk out when you need them both was just too much for him to have faith in any future for any relationship.

Craig at least i am sure understands but i am also sure he would have liked some kind of closure, some day that may happen if they meet again.  I am sure that the young lady has had her heart broken and did not know what to do and this was the only way she knew how to deal with the situation.  Even much older and more experianced people do not know how to break off a relationship.

I guess if you really wonder how she is doing and if you think Craig really needs and ending you could contact her parents and talk to them and see what they think of her stopping by just to say good luck in the future.


I don't know Jackie we have so much to think about for our children we can only do our best, and i know you are.

gzarnke

[Catucci]

Hi Jackie

I'm really sorry to hear about Craig's girlfriend.  I wouldn't intervene either.  I'd let Craig know you're there to listen if he wants but other than that I'd leave it alone.  Life justs stinks sometimes but life is a huge learning curve eh!?

xx Cat xx

[Gary Anderson]

Hi Jackie

I have just returned after a week away. I am going to reply to you pesonally by Email. Having been in this position, I cannot offer advice, can only tell you how it was for me.