Hi all,
Now this is a subject which John and I are going to be interested in, so Andy thanks for emailing and letting us know of the new topic, (I haven't been on line much this year with all the work we had to do with the bungalow). I know that some of the next paragraphs go off on another tangent, but it does all come back to the topic, and might help someone else in a similar position.
Yesterday, we went to see the Urologist. John hates these appointments as he is still in big denial.
Firstly, he avoids using the catheters because he can go himself by feeling a pain in his lower groin area rather than the sensation that he needs a pee, he then finds that if he sits down to pee he can force it out. No amount of me telling him that he is doing damage has worked so far. Anyway, yesterday, he had his appointment with the urology doctor, this was a male Dr, a male student Dr, a male nurse and a female nurse practitioner. So John sees them all in the room and clams up, says everything is fine and hopes to get out of there as fast as his legs could get him away.
The Dr asked a few questions and John tells him he's fine, managing without the caths and that he is emptying, I asked if it was normal to feel a pain in your groin or if that was a sign of being really full, which could cause kidney problems. After I removed the daggers from my back (stabbed by John), the doctor started to draw pictures, John was only half listening. Then I mentioned that he hated using the caths because he had had 3 UTI's. It was then explained that when you empty naturally, you may only empty half of the urine, with the stronger and sediment filled section of urine still left on the bottom of the bladder.
John agrees to all that is said and stands up to leave, the Dr then brings up erectile dysfunction. John has no desire to discuss this in a room full of people, but I said it was still a problem and those daggers landed in my back all over again. The nurse practitioner could see John clamming up and asked us if we would like to go into the room with her for a chat.
She was fantastic, much less matter of fact, and John actually opened up, cried and started to listen to some degree. She gave us her direct line, she explained that the UTI's and dribbling after the cath has been used are caused by water remaining in the water pipe in the penis. She explained that because the last water to be drained is the section with the most sediment in it, it is therefore stronger, if it is not removed by pushing up against the pipe between the back passage and testicles and then pushed forward to remove it, it just sits there, crystallizes and bugs love crystals which then cause the UTI.
He felt much better after this was explained because he was blaming the caths for the UTI's and now he understands the real reasoning behind it all. She also gave us a course of antibiotics to have in the house just in case he needs them, to avoid getting to the stage of flu like symptoms, and not being able to get in to see a GP, for a few days.
We then went on to the subject of sex. Daggers again, but she explained that all of these tablets need to be taken, but without sexual arousal none of them give you an erection. John's fear of using the viagra was that if he took one, then had an erection, but was in too much pain, (Chronic pain is a major issue with John's incomplete injury) he would be left with an erection for hours when he did not want to have sex because the pain was too much to bear.
She explained that none of the tablets worked like that, she said that viagra took 20 minutes to get into your bloodstream, and that an erection could be achieved anytime during the next 4 to 5 hours, to then achieve sexual intercourse. She mentioned the name of a few other tablets on offer, and then mentioned Cialis. She said that it worked in a similar way to Viagra, but took 20 minutes to get into the bloodstream, but stayed in your system to help you achieve an erection at any time during the 36 hours. I forgot to ask if that meant you could have several erections over a 36 hour period, but once she explained that it was not instant, causing an erection of its own course which you could be stuck with for hours, John opened up to the idea.
So we left after spending about an hour with her, with 2 boxes of Cialis. The viagra sat in the medicine cupboard for 2 years untouched, lets hope now he has had a better explanation from someone who actually listened and explained these boxes might actually get opened.
As the wife of an incomplete SCI I don't know if it is the norm for the woman to speak out in these appointments, but I always do, because John just clams up and wants his old life back. After the appointment he is always glad I've spoken up, but he looks like he could kill me at the time.
So for all you wives out there, 50 years ago it was not the done thing for a wife to complain about lack of sexual activity, but now it is acceptable, so don't feel embarrassed in the appointment, its better than a divorce due to sexual frustration.
When, if ever, we get around to using the Cialis tablets, at least we've got a 36 hour window to feel romantic and lead up to making love, rather than knowing we have to do it no matter what in a 4 or 5 hour timescale. Plus he now knows if he takes the tablet and there is no sexual arousal he won't be left with an erection he doesn't want when he's in chronic pain. Chronic pain is the worse because it can just come on for no reason.
When asked who he wanted to see for his next appointment, he chose the female nurse practitioner because he felt it was easier to talk to her than the Dr, mad isn't it that he would rather talk to a woman about it than a man. Male pride is the only conclusion.
Hope this all makes sense and did not deviate too far from the subject.
Maria
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